a fan letter for Brett

When I was about 11 or 12,  the world lost Linda McCartney  to cancer. I wrote her husband, my beloved musical hero Sir Paul, a letter. I placed this letter in an envelope, along with a photo of myself, and a poem to commemorate Linda, and sent it across the ocean.

Months later, I received a letter: it had a row of brightly colored stamps and an unfamiliar return address. With bated breath I opened it to discover that one of Paul’s staff had taken the time to write me to let me know that although Macca couldn’t respond personally, he had indeed read and appreciated the kind words in the letter and the poem. I still have the letter and the envelope it came in. And because of their kindness, I will always feel a special  and unique connection to my hero.

Because of this, and an interesting catalogue of random experiences with a variety of notable singers, songwriters, and otherwise talented humanoids, I have never lost confidence in the Fan Letter. Whether it’s covered in stamps, or only in hopes, I think we should always hang on to those connections to people whose artistic efforts have made an imprint on our lives in some way. We should continue to wait, to search, to reach out for opportunities to see them and to thank them for who they are.

In that spirit,  it is high time I wrote a blog about one of my favorite musicians, and human beings in general.

Brett Dennen- a singer/songwriter from Oakdale, California, has released three records to date: Brett Dennen, So Much More, and Hope for the Hopeless. He has made appearances on the Jay Leno Show and Last Call with Carson Daly, and has had cuts from his albums featured in Scrubs, House, and Grey’s Anatomy. In addition, Brett has released 3 live records, and has been a contributor on 5 compilations.

My personal favorite of  his secondary projects is Children’s Songs for Peace and a Better World, which supports Mosaic Project, an effort to teach children about diversity, peace, and empathy through recreation, learning, and song. You can buy the record here, and Mosaic will get the proceeds. Wasn’t that easy? You feel better already, don’t you?

I have been to 5 BD shows since first hearing about Brett several years ago, bringing many enthusiastic new fans along with me. I have had the pleasure of talking to Brett a couple of times on his visits to Nashville about our mutual interest in philanthropy, music, and cross-country moves. He stands out among most musicians as someone intently connected to his fans, making his own efforts to keep those connections strong.

Birds of a feather flock together. Brett has gone on the road with like minds, amazing people who love their communities and share a mutual admiration for their fans In particular, Ron Johnson, Brett’s bassist for his last couple tours, has made my experiences at his shows that much happier and more memorable.

Brett’s music has been a light for me through many dark spaces in my life in the past few years. His optimism refuelsmy own. I listen to “Blessed” over and over, to remind me just how blue the sky continues to be each morning, no matter how black things seemed to get the night before.

I hope as a writer, that my art can connect to as many people someday. And I hope as a humanitarian, and as a friend, I can hold out that much hope and positivity to those I meet.

Thanks Brett, to you and yours.

Sincerely.

15 things i wish i could do

1. Teleport

2. Write backwards

3. Be ambidextrous

4. Play an instrument (not in the “learning how” kind of way, but the “how Yanni plays the cello way”. He does play the cello, right?)

5. See New York City

6. Talk to animals (in a selective way, not the Dr. Doolittle-esque “hearing animals constantly whether I want to or not” way)

7. Be the voice of a character in an animated film

8. Write like any of the following: Jane Austen, Neil Gaiman, Paolo Coehlo, Roald Dahl, e.e. cummings, or Tim Burton

9. Have a secret admirer (I’m not sure how I’d know if I got this wish or not. I guess it would depend on the fellow’s Secret:Admirer ratio.)

10. Connect the dots in such a way that they actually make a picture

11. Discover that there is a guy out there with the talent, charm, and amazing-dashing-good-lookingness of Gene Kelly.

12. Both tell people exactly how I feel AND have some kind of notarized guarantee that doing so wouldn’t change things adversely.

13. Afford going to the salon every day

14. Say “I’m a writer” when someone asks “What do you do?” and believe it.

15. Just get on a plane and go

put a ring on it?

Weddings.

Proposals.

All those shows on TLC that revolve around getting married or the minutia thereof.

Weepy indie pop.

Chick flicks- or RoCos, as one of my guy friends affectionately calls them.

Chance meetings.

Smiles from a kind stranger.

(Not-so) secret admiration.

You’re about to be bombarded with all this and more for the next two weeks- so I thought I would help you be prepared.

The World is gearing up for one of Hallmark’s favorite “holidays”. And it seems like every year, I write something about the epic Struggle between Singlehood and Contentment with who I am- and then three-hundred-sixty-something days roll by and I find myself staring expectantly at my computer screen, waiting for it to ask me if I come here often.

Don’t get me wrong: I still have the same inner turmoil- so strong at times it feels like it might rend me in two. But I won’t leave you dancing to the same old song. This time, I will force myself to write from a unique perspective within this topic. There is one lesson that Professional Singlehood has definitely taught me over and over and over and— well, you get the idea . . .

I have learned how to be a friend. Friendship is very difficult. Anyone who tells me they want to be “just friends” “just” doesn’t understand what a friend is. There isn’t anything simple or diminutive about it. [A more accurate way of putting it might be "just acquaintences", "just strangers", or "just two equally dissatisfied, yet equally intimidated people"- but none of these rolls off the tongue quite so easily.]

My point is- unless it would find me in an unhealthy place emotionally, I take almost everyone who tells me he “just” wants to be friends at his word. And boy- is it “just” about one of the hardest commitments to make! Because friends stick around whether they’re being attended to or not. Friends learn to be honest. Friends share joys and sorrows. Friends fight the constant, uphill battle of communication.

I’m not saying that being single gets easier the longer it lasts- but I am so thankful for each of these guys who, in his own way, has taught me how to listen, not listen, laugh at myself, or laugh at him- at just the right moment. For every one of them who has made me angry, I am thankful. Because in those moments, I know that I am strong, that I have feelings, and that they are real. For every one of them who has made me sad, I am thankful for the opportunity to consider the source, and to reach out and find hope Elsewhere.

As much as I hate to admit it, there can be no girlfriendship without friendship.

But at the same time that I have had to fight to see the forest for the trees, I have also been blessed to look around and see so many people I have had unique connections with still remain as friends. Some have gone, but many of you are steadfast. And it means the world to me. Even though you all still smell funny and have cooties.

Of course, those cooties can be counter-acted by two very important things: solitude and Girl Time. Two more things that Singlehood has allowed me to relish, along with so many unique expressions of friendship. As wonderful as Prince Charming is, nothing can replace the feeling I get when laughing with one of my girlfriends till my stomach hurts. Or when finishing a poem or a story and realizing that I, and I alone, am the first one to see it and appreciate it, complete.

The truth is, as much as I know by experience that it isn’t good for (wo)man to be alone [all the time], I also revel in the things that my time alone teaches me about who I am: whether I’m learning how I have grown or how I need to. And I know there will come a time when my alone time and my time to be silly and go out dancing or sharing the karaoke stage with my girlfriends will be next to none.

But until some fella puts a ring on it, I am free to be me. Even if I sometimes have to do it through clenched teeth. Most of the time, I end up laughing.

snow thanks

For a Friday, today was fairly productive. I took care of a lot of calls and emails. I made my best professional, grown up faces, and pretended my best professional, grown up imaginings. And at least for the moment, I have them fooled. Much more exciting is the fact that I have launched my topical blog, the Sociocafe, with a Twitter account to match. The focus is on coffee culture, with particular emphasis on local [Nashville] cafés and the people who “call them home”. Take a read and enjoy!

And now, the weather.

Nashville is getting a “winter storm” this weekend, which is code for a few inches, of course. We don’t seem to have the infrastructure in place to cope with anything more than an inch of snow, even though there is at least one instance every winter where we get significantly more than that. The Powers that Be Over the Snowplows and Salt Trucks are obviously not tight with Snowbird like I am.

Snow is beautiful. Not just the sight of it, but the thought of it: trillions of sparkly, geometric wonders, and no two alike. No wonder we often just stand with wonder in its midst, trying to collect them on our eyelashes. I also love the silence of snow. There’s something great to me about not being able to hear it fall. It gives it a more complete element of surprise. You might go to bed with a light dusting on the ground, and arise a few hours later to find the grass hidden under a brilliant white blanket. And it’s only then- after you calculate the dimensions of your igloo-that you realize it doesn’t matter if your elementary school is closed or not- since you haven’t been in about 15 years.

It can certainly be an inconvenience, or even a hazard; it can peeve us by ruining our plans. But more often than not, it takes us back. It makes us want to sleep late, get up to eat an unbalanced breakfast, and bolt outside with one too few layers, where we lie flailing on our backs, hoping to mimic the Divine.

tune up: madi diaz

Artist: Madi Diaz

Album: Ten Gun Salute EP

It all started when I invited myself to listen to my friend Alicia’s copy of the Ten Gun Salute EP by Madi Diaz. Once I realized that the first track starts with the sound of a striking match, I was hooked. I always appreciate unconventional instrumentation. [One of my favorite examples being Guster's use of a typewriter as part of their percussion section.]

But there’s more to endear me to this record than just the thought of playing with matches. Smooth vocals are another hallmark of Madi’s style: brassy and confident, clear and honest, it is the perfect pairing with the folk/pop/acoustic instrumentation that drives the album.

It may be a short record (weighing in at 7 songs, approximately 26 minutes), but it is sweet indeed. I love every track and have been known to leave Ten Gun Salute on repeat for hours. That’s more than three times in a row, for those who are even worse at math than I am.

Her voice is lovely, her melodies are soaring, and her instrumentation is diverse: a triple threat if I ever heard one.

But perhaps my favorite part of Ten Gun Salute, and what seems to be Madi’s overall approach to music, is the emphasis on simplicity. Don’t be deceived- in a world of musical overproduction, this is a pearl of great price. Ten Gun Salute is stripped. but not lacking; clear, but not empty; light, but not shallow.

It  may appear small, but it is fiery and bright.

Favorites include: “Let’s Go”, “Heavy Heart”, and “Ten Gun Salute”.

Although I understand and appreciate the appeal of buying electronically, may I suggest buying a “hard copy” in order to appreciate the original artwork on the cover more closely.

Follow Madi, visit her site, and enjoy her poignant tribute to the simple, complex parts of all of us.

i can’t Formylate- and 6 other random lessons

Since I am in for the night- and have been for a while now, there is really no excuse for me not generating any new blog content for you today.

[I have found myself in better spirits since committing to update the blog daily- unless I am crazy busy or become part of the witness protection program- so I have to stick to it, even when it becomes difficult. Most of you sarcastic ones out there will point out that by the time I post the day will already be gone. To that I say, I am going by the Mayan calendar!]

Being completely sans ideas, and without a hat to draw them from, I discovered the next best thing: the Random Word Generator (Plus). This site is exactly what it sounds like. But rather than it’s predecessor, this one generates more than just common nouns. You can choose from the following parts of speech:

• Noun
• Adjective
• Verb (transitive)- a verb with an object
• Verb (intransitive)- a verb without an object
• Adverb
• Preposition

This is entertaining for the word nerd, and great news for the writer. It’s perfect to give your creative thinking a jump start, by forcing you to find context for any word you can imagine, from “speak” to “fangoriously“.

So tonight, an experiment- don’t worry, I never conduct them on animals.

I will randomly generate one item per each part of speech,  elaborating on its context in my life, or in the Scheme of Things. Each item will be on the “obscure” end of the verbal spectrum, since I am up for the challenge, and need to have some secret weapons for my scrabble arsenal. [Note: the site does not provide definitions, but I will include them here, since I do not expect the meaning of these terms to be obvious to anyone, least of all, me.] Oh, and if the web doesn’t offer a definition- as is the case for at least one word so far- I will do what any self-respecting person would do . . . guess.

I hope it leads you to explore the site on your own: whether to find new paths of thought for  meditation,  more muses for your writing, or just ways to jumps start impressing others with your good diction

1. Noun: Antisensitivity

• Definition: None
• Guess: If I was being literal, I’d go with “not” sensitivity, which would be “insensitivity” if we polished it up a little. A second route would be to go with “against” sensitivity, which sounds funny. Although I must say, I have encountered at least one or two people in my life who seem to have taken that position.
• Context: I am definitely not antisensitivity. In fact, I’m all for it. But I try not to be hypersensitive- that is, I try not to take things too personally or to worry too much about being politically correct.

2. Adjective: Nonliturgic

• Definition: None
• Guess: Non-liturgical, which would refer to a church service that did not follow a formal set of fixed patterns. [i.e. the priest says something, then the congregation replies]
• Context: The primary context of this idea would be one of irony, as this term defined my entire spiritual experience prior to about a year ago, when I began attending a church where the services have been liturgical for centuries. The moral of the story? Never say never. G*d has a sense of humor. And He loves to laugh.

3. Transitive Verb: Formylate

• I couldn’t even understand the definition for this word and wouldn’t have been able to explain it with Mirriam Webster himself there to guide me. But I can tell you one thing: it has something to do with mixing elements of chemicals together and important things happening as a result.
• This leads me to the context: I am no expert in chemistry- in any way that term could possibly be understood.

4. Intransitive Verb: Mythopoetizing

• Definition: producing myths or mythical poetry
• Context: Myth is more than untruth. It is storytelling designed to teach, inspire, and point to deeper truths. That in mind, I am crossing my fingers to never stop mythopoeticizing, so help me, Hercules.

5. Adverb: Unsacramentally

• Definition: None
• Guess: Not-sacramental; sacramental meaning something which appears to be of earthly nature actually having divine significance or effect.
• Context: I fear I too often live my life nonsacramentally; that is, outside of or apart from the sacred. Or perhaps a better way of phrasing that would be that I ignore it, whether actively or passively. Because when I’m being honest, I realize this: it is impossible to separate myself from the sacred. It is all around me. It is within me. That is a powerful, yet comforting reminder.

6. Interjection: Aneuch

• Definition- Enough
• Context- Do I know my limits? For the most part, I’d say yes. I know what pushes my buttons, what grinds my gears, and what renders me less-than-responsible. Of course, there is always a learning curve when it comes to things like self-control, or just being aware of how far out the boundary lines for your sanity are placed. But for the most part, we become acclimated with the passage of time. However, there are times when limits should never be imposed. There are times where I should never say: that’s it, Life. No more. I’ve had aneuch.

7. Preposition: Sur

• Definition: (as a prefix) over, above, upon
• Context: Isn’t that what live is about? Seems that way to me- seems like life is a continual progression over hurdles, above obstacles, upon new experiences

So: let’s recap: I’m all about awkward chemistry, rising above difficulties, and embracing the Sacred. What about you? What random gems can you find in obscurity?

stars like salt

God spilled the stars in the sky

Tonight, like salt

On a black tablecloth

Red, like wine

The sun bursts forth

And there are miles between you and me

Night and Day follow each other

Like shy children on the schoolyard

While the ocean is pulled toward the moon

And I will not forget

The grass grows green

In every color, leaves fall

They flutter away on the wind

Like time

I wonder where you’ve gone

And the snowflakes remind me

Of infinity

weekend update

I started writing this post after a valiant struggle alongside my mother against one of society’s most boisterous demons: bureaucracy .

Turns out, health care is complicated. I have a disability and therefore receive a limited monthly income. So I have literally piles of mail regarding healthcare from everybody: the doctors, Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, TennCare, and my dad’s insurance company. Let’s just hope I don’t get sick anytime soon. But if I do, and the doctor asks me what’s wrong, I will ask him for some form of card-like identification, along with the correct 13-digit number, and refer him to the 17 page mailing I sent to his home address- after asking for his mother’s neighbor’s maiden name for verification.

So, B-Rock, need some help with deciding how to tackle health care reform? Make it simpler. There now. Everyone can just calm down. Problem solved.

On to the important stuff.

ICFUS

• I will still be interviewing Nashville band 20 Minutes to Park. We had to reschedule due to work and transportation issues, respectively. In the meantime, visit their site and listen to their tunes. That way you will be ready to fact-check me when the interview is reader-ready.
• Also coming to ICFUS, my first art blog! Complete with a mini-interview. So get your temperas ready, baby! And put a call in to the Guggenheim while you’re at it.

The Year of the Uke (?)

• Be not alarmed, it is still the Year. The Uke is living here happily and has been making friends with the softest, comfiest things in my room.
• My rockin’ mom has helped me find some neat beginner materials, including some beginner Beatles songs- a precursor to the Beatles book I bought along with the uke. [A girl simply must be prepared.]
• The Uke needs a proper name. I am thinking a male name. Other than that I got nothin’ and welcome your feedback. I will put a call out to my Facebook friends as well, and will report back with my decision. These things take time, you know. Not the kind of thing you want to just rush into.

and the BIG news:

• Many of you have been asking after the children’s book manuscript. I am ecstatic to report that my connection with a major publishing company in Nashville may be fruitful- it is very likely tbat, if I can get it all dolled up, it will be reviewed  by the Children’s Editor of the company sometime this week. This is such a blessing and I am very hopeful and excited about it. Don’t get me wrong, it is intimidating and scary as anything! But I really believe that children of any age will be able to identify with the main character and the things he overcomes, so I am doing my best to remain optimistic for the book.

I will  be keeping everyone posted on these matters, particularly as related to the manuscript, as things develop. Thanks for being a part of my cheering section! I hear you loud and clear!

all way stop

I  seem to have come to an all way stop.

Red alert.

Yield to pedestrians? No problem.

The thing is- it’s not that there is a shortage of directions for me to go. I have some volunteer work I’m doing, and opportunities for more as the year goes on. I have friends that want to connect me with others for work. There is a fellowship, that, if I can somehow completely dominate the mega-intimidating application, would be a great leap to take. There are always wonderful people calling, coming by, and sharing their lives and latte recommendations with me. I am blessed, richly.

I struggle with my emotions. I mean, who doesn’t, right? It’s as if they are all clamoring for my attention, shouting at full volume: gratitude, envy, fear, guilt, loneliness, passion, joy, silliness- all of them vying for my time, and it just makes me want to go to the corner  and cover my ears. La la la! I’m not listening!

Then there are the choices about my career- how to invest my time: writing? volunteering? fundraising? consulting? job searching? Of course all these things, to some degree, are already demanding my time. I feel like Mike Teavee- one of the punk kids from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It’s as if I, too, have been shrunk to way-tininess and forced to work things out in the clutches of the taffy puller.

There are well-meaning voices on all sides, including inside, raising their voices in concert: Beth, go this way. Beth, go that way. Beth, go everywhere at once.

It all sounds so loud. There isn’t anything symphonic about it.

Life isn’t simple. But it seems like simplicity is the only sane approach. The thing is, you don’t have to always go in the same direction all the time. But there’s no way you can really go down more than one path at once, not if you expect to adequately appreciate the beauty- and avoid the dangers- of both. The trick is -cliche alert- taking things one day at a time. Today, go here. Tomorrow, go there. If we try to go everywhere, full speed, every day, we spin in circles.

I’ve always been ready to go, and that hasn’t changed. I just have no idea where.

outcooled: volume 2: VeryShortStory

Last week, I highlighted the Young@Heart Chorus, with the glad admission that they could outcool me any day of the week. I decided to keep that motif going this week- and am contemplating making it a regular feature of the blog, if recieved well. [If people do like it, I would be super dooper open to suggestions on people, places, things, etc. that are outcooling me of which I might not already be aware.]

This week, mad props, yo to VeryShortStory. A Twitter account by writer Sean Hill, it features full stories- held in the confines of 140 characters. This feat is made even more impressive by the fact that Hill sacrifices some of those precious characters for the greater good: correct punctuation. Here are some recent examples:

• “Marvin cursed the big city, it had changed him. He longed for the simpler days in a small town, before he felt the need to wear dresses.”
• “A law was passed and the children were gathered and put in pens. They would be held until old enough to act civilized, like the “adults”.”
• “You have such an intriguing mind and such interesting thoughts. I wonder where they come from” she said, holding my brain up to the light.
• “Richard’s park bench sat empty since his ascension. They wondered were he went, but no one was brave enough to sit there and find out.”
• “I don’t believe in astronomy” “You mean astrology” said Kim “No, I don’t believe in stars or planets. It’s a folktale, meant to give hope.”

To date, VSS [if I may be so bold as to use a pet name] has 33,603 followers and is fast approaching its 500th story.

As an aspiring/fledgling/n00b writer, I am inspired. Hill seems to have struck a balance between taking his craft seriously and casting it in a whimsical light. He has taken an unconventional medium and used in a way that entertains. . . and awakens. Reading one of his VeryShortStories is like being too impatient for the coffee to brew and just chompin’ down on the bean. A bean that happens to be coated in magical, sprinkly chocolate.

With a manuscript hiding away in my hard drive, a blog demanding my attention like a sugar-high puppy,  and an ever-growing list of  independent presses to whom I should send submissions, I often find myself feeling overwhelmed and struggling with just how to affirm and shape my identity as a writer.

Lucky for me, I have Hill’s stories to remind me of a few things:

• Starting small is still starting.
• All I need is one unique idea to have “something to go on”.
• I don’t have to spoon-feed. I can be a little open-ended and indefinite. It’s okay for me to leave holes for others to fill in with their imaginations- doing this makes them accomplices rather than a strangers stuck peering in to my world and trying to guess what things mean.
• Everyone loves twisted. . . plots.

So, here’s to you, Sean Hill, and to VeryShortStory for being kind enough to outcool me. In honor of your achievement, I present my very first Very Short. . .140 characters exactly!

“”I want to take this leap with you,” I said. “I have always dreamt of flying.” Icarus smiled and told me to hang on tight. Up, away we went.”

Condense your epics, trim your manifestos. . . as far as I’m concerned, short is the new sweet.