What’s My Motivation? Changing What I Share Online

The Internet: Part information superhighway, part Eternal Troll Cave of Fathomless Depths. I used to love it. As someone whose driving motivation was understanding and solving social problems, I saw Facebook as my personal megaphone. It was a towering soapbox  from which I could denounce the social/political/moral evils surrounding me.

My Resting Scroll Face

I would type out a fiery diatribe and gleefully hit send, shocked when my condescending drivel wasn’t readily embraced by the masses. Yes, I would think, I’m making a stand. I’m speaking up for what’s right: me. 

Wait. Aren’t you a Christian? You guys are all about denouncing some moral evils, right?

Yes. I am called to put a stop to thoughts and behaviors that are contrary to loving God and  neighbor. But I’m supposed to do that in my own life before I even think of “helping” someone else “see the error of their ways”.  Reminds me of a quote I saw today by St. Maximos the Confessor:

Focusing on changing everyone on my News Feed for the better renders my own change null and void? Dag. Is it just me, or do the Saints straight-up roast people sometimes?

Beyond that, I’m starting to believe it’s impossible to have meaningful discussion [read: debate] on social media. Why?

• I could be wrong. There, I said it. Hey, anything’s possible.
• I can be right and still be mean or condescending about it. And that’s wrong.
• I could assume someone I don’t agree with is bad or evil, without knowing all the facts (which I never will anyway). And that’s judging.
• I will probably get angry more quickly (and for longer) online than I would in person. The vitriol/intensity of the Internet and the way opinions are written there makes it a breeding ground for angry, spiteful and otherwise violent communication.
• It’s public. Eliminating the privacy of a face-to-face conversation almost guarantees that someone else will weigh in, take something out of context, gang up on one of us, and so on.

When I disagree with, denounce, or vilify someone else’s perspective/political party/difference of opinion online, they can see it. [Even if I passive-aggressively Vaguebook about how wrong “some people” are on my own timeline.] And everyone else we’re friends with can see it, too. Not to mention our little tête à tête  is saved for posterity. Plus there’s never really been a time when I’ve thought: Wow. That gloves-are-off Facebook debate really brought us closer.

So, if I’m going to post something online, I start with asking myself something simple: why am I sharing this?

Is it:

• Because I’m angry?
• To declare how right I am?
• To declare how wrong you are?
• To make “the other side” [or people who identify with them] look bad, or foolish?

If the answer is yes, I need to re-think. As cheesy as this little mnemonic is, it’s really helpful for us social media mavens:

The first time I saw this, I thought something alone the lines of: well, guess I have to delete Facebook and stop blogging. I didn’t blog or stir the pot on Facebook for months. I tried my hand at holding my tongue (my success varied widely from day to day). And while I try to be much more careful about the tone of what I post now than I used to, I still believe social media and blogging are powerful ways of sharing new ideas, and building connections rooted in empathy rather than same-ness of opinion.

Filtering what I share doesn’t mean I can’t post about tricky issues or things I care about, or that I’m suggesting Shrinking Violet is the New Black. My desire for a peaceful newsfeed does not cancel out my strong convictions. The key is changing the focus of the material I post from “what they’re doing wrong”  to “what’s helping me do better”.

What did this teach me?

How is this helping me be a better human?

What about this situation worries or troubles me?  

I know this is a problem. What is a solution I can realize in my day to day interactions and/or in my community?

 If my main goal really is to change myself for the better, I can share  things in terms of what I learned, or how something helped me change my perspective. If something is important to me, I can simply say that before sharing, without bringing what “some people” think into it. If someone misspeaks online and the error could hurt them or others, I can do my best to gently present my point of view.

All in all, I’m learning it’s best for my peace of mind (and my relationships) not to get too deep into a Facebook face-off. In general, I think the tricky things are best discussed with a friend, over cold beer and Hot Chicken.

Get Thee To a What-ery?!

One of the creepiest-and most entertaining-things about the Internet is that it seems to “get you”. Pandora always seems to know what song you want to hear next. StumbleUpon is a veritable rabbit hole of brilliance. Pintrest, Tumblr and Twitter seem to anticipate your every whim.

It’s all fun and games. Until it gets super weird.

Today I was whiling away my life on Facebook as usual, when I noticed one of my sidebar Ads. Underneath this-and-that artist who sounds like Bon Iver begging me to visit their Bandcamp, I saw something peculiar. “Be a Nun!” it declared.

Wait. What?

What do you mean, “Be a nun!”?

I know. I am very-super single. And I do say a lot about Church.

But that does not mean I am sitting in a tiny, windowless room singing “Climb Every Mountain” all day long.

Don’t worry, says Internet, if being a Nun isn’t for you, I bet I know what is: Christian Dating. Artist Dating. Dating for Almost Vegans. Date a Millionaire.

Happiness is a click away, it seems to whisper, try it now for free.

To me, “Be a Nun!” and “Find Your Soulmate NOW!” are two extremes on the same continuum. All of it rubs me the wrong way. Just because I’m single now doesn’t mean I want to be celibate forever. And just because I’m not dating Mister Dot Com, doesn’t mean that my life won’t be complete until I do so.

“oh, no she didn’t!”

Don’t get me wrong. Being a nun and dating, respectively, are both about having healthy, strong relationships, learning how to give, and being a part of something greater than oneself. I dig that.

But what if I want to be single right now? What if I choose to enjoy the life I have in this moment? What can the world sell me to make things better if I am happy with the way things are?

That’s the goal for me these days. I have to ask myself: where am I, and how can I be content, wherever that is?  My recent piece on The Huffington Post, on faith healing and why I would opt out, has caused quite a stir. As I re-read it the other day, I got to thinking. What if I applied this same thinking [and faith, as it happens], to other areas of my life?

Instead of focusing on upward or lateral mobility at work, what if I just focused on doing the best I can with the job that I have right now? Instead of wistfully imagining Ryan Gosling waiting for me at home with dinner on the table [okay, that will always happen], what if I made the most of my time alone by using it to take better care of myself with exercise, sleep, or eating right?

But how?! HOW DO I GET THERE?

“The Lord is my Shepherd,” says the Psalmist, “I shall not want.”

This thought hit me right out of the blue today, like a Frisbee to the face.

For me, faith is an integral part of the process. Because I believe I have been given what I need to get through whatever day it is. “Grace is sufficient for me,” the Apostle Paul writes in his letter, “For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Of course, I am not leaping out of bed and skipping through every day with glee. And that’s not what I’m committing to. I’m committing to acceptance of where I am and what I’m doing, the same way I advocate for a faith healer to accept what I look like and how I move.

For my peers in the Faith, God is faithful. For those who are not, you’ve made it this far! All of you are doing fine. It gets rough, but you’re growing from where you are. Otherwise you’d be dead. Don’t stretch and strain and hurt yourself. Just accept it, be thankful to have another day, find beauty where you can. 

And yeah, it’s easier said than done. But you’re in good company. Right where you are. Right who you are.

Just Like This: Building Uganda/ Back to the Bible Truth [BBT Evangelistic Team]

Those of you who are friends with me on Facebook, or are just good guessers, may know that I do some promotion for nonprofits, small businesses, and individuals here and there. I thought this would be as good a forum as any to keep that going.

The result? a new mini-feature for the site called Just Like This. Get it? “Like” as in Facebook and “Like” as in Real Life are the SAME word.  You can see new projects/people I’m helping spread the word about as I add them. And you can be  a part of helping me raise awareness about them by Liking their Facebook pages and Sharing them amongst your friends.

students in one of many schools established by BBT

Building Uganda/Back to the Bible Truth [BBT] Evangelistic Team

The first to be featured on this series is Building Uganda/Back to the Bible Truth [BBT] Evangelistic Team. A friend of mine offered me the chance to work with this organization on social media projects such as Facebook, and increasing their overall online presence. I had the opportunity to meet their founder, Alex Mitala, on his most recent stateside trip and was eager to start work with them.

At the time of Mitala’s conversion to Christianity, Ugandan Dictator Idi Amin was persecuting Christians, and trying to force them to convert to Islam. When Mitala and those working with him refused to renounce Christianity, Amin closed their churches and dispersed their missionaries.

Many people Mitala worked with were killed and imprisoned as a result of the persecution.  Their church was forced underground, conducting its meetings and activities in secret. In 1974, Mitala joined the underground preaching teams in an effort to encourage the underground churches.

In 1978, Mitala began smuggling Christian literature from Kenya into Uganda for the underground church. Soldiers working for Idi Amin arrested him, but his life was spared, and he was released shortly thereafter.

Mitala stayed in Kenya until 1979, when Idi Amin was overthrown. He then returned to Uganda to start a ministry of Evangelism and Church planting while attending a Kenyan Bible School and taking correspondence courses.

Building Uganda and the Back to the Bible Truth [BBT] Evangelistic Team were started by Mitala to plant and oversee churches throughout Uganda, while supporting the communities in which the churches are founded. Mitala defines their vision thus:

• To once again preach the gospel in Uganda
• To plant new local churches
• To encourage others to work together.

The outreach and programming of BBT includes:

• Evangelism and Church Planting
• Women of Significance [women’s ministry, education and training]
• The Glory of Virginity Movement  (GLOVIMO) [abstinence education, counseling and training program]
• Child Care and Advocacy [including care and oversight of orphanages and Children’s Homes]
• Vocational Trade schools
• Bible Training [through Fishers of Men School of Ministry (FOMPSM)]  Health Care [clinics, education and support in areas of ministry]
• Agriculture [to support communities in which churches are planted, and children served through childcare programs]
• Media Ministry [weekly radio and television broadcasts]

health services program staff at BBT

The thing I like most about the BBT approach is that it does not just stop at planting churches and similar ‘traditional mission work’. Their work is focused on strengthening the communities in which the churches are planted. Along with a church and a pastor, community members are given instruction and resources regarding healthcare, education, and sustainable agriculture. Although support for the communities and churches remains available through connection to BBT staff, part of the goal of their programming is to create more self-sufficient, healthier communities.

In addition, of course, I appreciate the extensive work that is done to feed, teach and care for orphaned and disadvantaged children. No matter what your expression of faith, I think we can all agree that is a worthy mission to support.

Click here for the Building Uganda/BBT website.

Click here for their Facebook page. [Help them feel LIKEd.]

 

(5) notifications

Kimmie blogged about Facebook yesterday. And, since all people in wheelchairs are pretty much the same, I thought I would follow suit. Today’s discussion? Facebook Pet Peeves.

Before I begin needlessly passing judgement concerning how others use their free time, I won’t be shy in telling you this: I love Facebook. I am an “OG of the FB” [That’s right. If Facebook was Long Beach, I would be Snoop Dogg.] And I am not planning on having one of those “cathartic” experiences where I ditch Facebook for 30 days, only to use the Internet to document every moment of my loneliness.

As a matter of fact, some may call me “That Girl” when it comes to Facebook, I have a high friend count, not all of whom I know or talk to on a regular basis; I have the app on my phone, and I use the term “Facebook” as a verb. [In fact, there is a page for this blog, which I maintain to give myself some semblance of a job. “Like” it?]

There are tweets, books, articles, and angry rants about people like me. But even I have some sense of etiquette: which brings me to

Your Notifications: 5 Things Everyone on Facebook Should Stop Doing Right Now

why?

 

Living in Pretend-Magic-Imaginary-Funland

Simply put, if you are going to play games on Facebook, stay away from anything with any of the following suffixes: “Town”, “Ville”, or “Land”. These places are not real, and they do not do anything to enhance your social skills, which is [allegedly] what Facebook is there to do. It is a Social Networking Tool. Not an “Annoy Everyone to No End by Asking Them to Irrigate Your Imaginary Corn Field” Tool.

Purging Friends

Okay. So I understand the principle behind the “Friend Purge” [“those people aren’t really your friends” “you don’t even know them”, etc.] But the thing is, I have actually successfully used Facebook to make friends, and to rekindle and maintain relationships. So, it is true that I am not talking to every single friend all day long. But, after however many years of having Facebook, why uproot things? Here are a couple other problems I have with “unfriending”:

• The idea of “purging” human beings just does not have good social or historical connotations.
• It takes too much time.
• It seems mean.

Being Passive Aggressive & Otherwise Obnoxious in Your Status Updates

You’ve all seen them. The backhanded, emotionally manipulative status updates. It is hurtful and mean and does not make you attractive, and I would suggest avoiding it at all costs. If your status was going to start with “Some People” and/or end with “You know who you are”,  you are probably better off posting a sad kitty photo or an Emo song lyric instead.

Drunkbooking.

step away from the brand-ambiguous computer, buddy

You may remember from my discussion on concerts that I do not love a Drunkypants. Unfortunately for me, they abound on Facebook, and for some reason are allowed near a keyboard. Trust me, your unflattering blurry photo and grammatically abhorrent status give you away. If you’re the ‘going out’ type, have a glass of water and a nice brisk walk before you make your status decisions.

Merging Terrible FWD Emails with Status Updates to Create a Chain Letter-esque Explosion of Awful

imagine my twofold delight and creeped-outness when i discovered ‘FWD’ actually stands for Family Worship Destination

Okay. I love Jesus. And abandoned puppies. And sick children. And anything else that can tug at the ‘ole heartstrings. And I have participated in the occasional awareness campaign. I am not totally sans feeling. But I don’t appreciate feeling like I have to successfully copy/paste in order to be a Christian, prove that I’m a good friend, or prove that I care about someone or something.

Basically, avoid anything that looks like this: “Jesus said “If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven.” Repost this as your status, and God will bless you with 12 virgins and a Corvette.” [props to Jonni Greth for his perfect status satire.]

Let’s be honest, if you ‘repost this as your status’, there will probably be little consequence, other than everyone on your friends list having the sudden desire to make you the subject of their drunken passive aggressive status update, before removing you as their Farmville neighbor, and unfriending you forever.

Consider yourself warned.