While talking to my priest the other day, I expressed a frustration with my own ‘inability’ to keep the fast and prayer cycles of the Church. Knowing my laziness, distraction, and human weakness all got in the way, I was carrying a lot of guilt; I was very indignant with myself. Along with his other thoughts and admonishments, he told me ‘Be faithful in a few things’.
This advice comes right out of a parable of Jesus, in which a Master tells a Servant, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’ [Matthew 25:23, NIV]
My mom gave me this same advice tonight, not knowing she was contributing to the echo effect. If I may speak candidly, the timing of this advice is interesting.
My first boyfriend and I ended our relationship earlier this week. Let it be known to the Interwebz and its surrounding counties that he is a great guy, and I bear him no ill feelings and wish him every happiness. But, it has been a very difficult week for me. No matter what the circumstances of that type of situation are, it is inevitable to feel a sense of loss and emptiness while you are taking time to redefine things between you
I have spent the better part of my week taking things one moment at a time, and trying to get from one day to to the next. Tonight, I was wading through a sea of paperwork and mail. I expressed to my mom in a moment of desparation “I cannot handle any more of this!”. Minutes later, I opened my latest piece of mail from the Social Security Administration. This letter told me I was to receive no income for the month of December, and that I ‘may’ be able to get it back in January.
This was my breaking point. No income, no relationship, and no immediate solution? You have got to be kidding me.
I won’t get into the nitty-gritty here, but I had a very candid, not-very-happy at all, conversation with the Lord about this. It was gnarly and I am not proud of many of the sentiments I expressed. But we all have those moments when we are upset with Him because we don’t understand why He’s leading Us down a certain path. [For an excellent post on emotions and Christian Spirituality, read this. I go back to it over and over. And it is at the top of my Facebook Favorite Quotes. If that doesn’t make it significant, I don’t know what does.]
At any rate, after the dust settled, and after I enjoyed a bowl of strawberry ice cream, Heaven seemed to offer me this consolation in the stillness: Be faithful with a few things. I realized, I have had a lot taken from me this week. In spite of how painful that is, I can think of it in terms of simplicity. Yes, things might feel awful, and they might even be awful. But I need not worry about recovering everything, or fixing everything, but only being faithful with a few things. If that means getting up, getting ready, and going from one place to another, then I can focus on doing my best to do those tasks with faith.
Any inspiration you find in this post is from G*d and from the people He has given me. I am definitely not at a point of improvement, or even resolution. But I can make it till tomorrow. Thanks for your love, prayers, understanding, and good vibes, as always. Hang in there, all.