on being a loser

So, today, the Internet tells me that there appears to be some connection between CP and memory loss, particularly short term memory. In addition, I learned that people dealing with chemical imbalances such as depression might also have trouble remembering things. This doesn’t surprise me for a couple reasons. One is that any time something (like a disability) affects your brain, things just go haywire up in there. You just never know what might happen when mess around with the human brain. The other reason I’m not surprised is that I’m a loser.

I lose things ALL the time. Phones, coats, check cards, mittens, gloves, scarves,  checkbooks, $50 gift cards that I never got to use, keepsakes. You name it, I’ve lost it. Sometimes multiple times. If you don’t believe me,  my folks keep a backup phone for when I lose mine. And I have had the bank send me extra stuff by mistake because I reported missing items so often.

Of course, we’re all space cadets every now and then; everyone feels a little scatterbrained when they’re rushing or stressed. A frazzled person is much more likely to leave his wallet on the train than the fellow next to him who remains cool as a cucumber during his morning commute.

What’s my point? Am I glad to have an excuse for leaving everything short of my limbs behind somewhere? Perhaps. But on the off chance that I want what I blog about to be of some intrinsic value it reminds me: I have to be nice to myself.

In one of my favorite Psalms, David says that G*d “knows how we are formed. He remembers that we are dust”. It sounds  a little grim, but it always encourages me. Because He knows I’m a mess. I’m not together. No one is. Our minds; our bodies; our wills; our spirits: they all fail us. But He is gracious. The key is that we have to extend that grace and love to ourselves, and to others.

A lot of times, we are our worst critics. I don’t know if any of you can relate to this, but sometimes, I will be sharing what I assume is a glaring fault or weakness with a close friend, and she’ll say, “I don’t see you that way at all”. It is true that I have lots of shortcomings [don’t we all?]. But talking to others helps me to gain a little perspective. Of course there is a time and place for constructive criticism, and I am always trying to do better. But my point is, things that drive us crazy about ourselves are more than likely not as big a deal to the people that love us: because they love us.

We should all write ourselves a note: BE NICE. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I think I’ll do that. As soon as I find my pen.


3 thoughts on “on being a loser

  1. one of the hardest lessons ever. so applicable it’s eerie.

    my week has been this exact struggle: lost various things over the last few days & i’m hung up on what that says about me & how it’ll all resolve itself. sage wisdom though it’s hard to practice…


  2. I loosw sooooo much stuff, like ten times more than the averedge person. I have often e told people that i have an awful short term memory but a great long term memory and I never understood why.
    Thanks for the enlightenment friend I feel much better about my self


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